….are you tired of being who you are? cuz sometimes i’m tired of being who i am……

i’m tired…not physically, but mentally….
do you ever feel like, you wanna give up being who you are? just for one day?
i’m too much a goody-two-shoes and yet, i’m not one….
i struggle all the time, fighting with myself and my selfishness.
i try not to indulge in my selfishness and i can handle it outside of home, i think…
but when i’m at home, i change….i feel like i let myself go too much
i don’t do chores, i have extreme problems with procrastination, i sleep too late, and the list goes on….
i’m tired of doing those things, i want myself to change for the better
but changing is so hard…just too tremendously hard….
the bad part of me is not the only thing i’m tired with though.
i’m also tired of my good side….
i don’t wanna be so honest anymore, don’t want to be so nice.
i don’t want people to make fun of me just because they can.
i don’t want to be unable to hurt someone else just because i hurt myself too when i do
i don’t like it when other people hit my head and attack me,
and i hit back just so they would stop, even though i don’t want to hit them back
i’m tired….
tired of being so impulsive whenever i’m around my friends
tired of losing mind, and my composure
tired of laughing at stupid jokes that aren’t even really that funny, just so the other person wouldn’t feel bad
tired of being so exhausted…..
but that’s how i am, and that’s who they are
i don’t tell people to change who they are, unless they have a part of them that is really bad
and so here i am, left all alone, feeling nothing,
feeling nothing but sadness at the end of the day, because i gave all my happiness away

~ by sodagirl on April 2, 2008.