I think…

I think I have a hunger for the people more than a hunger for God…I want to know people more and more, and through that, I want to know God more, because I want them to know that God is the answer. But I am also afraid that once I know these people, I’ll abandon them.

“I’ll kill. Wiping out those who have made fool of me is what I live for.”

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/090226/world/japan_crime_bomb_child

my title was the last line that was written in this article about a 16 year old boy who was arrested on suspicion of trying to build a bomb to blow up his classmates. the police  found explosive powder and other materials that could be used to make very lethal bombs at the boy’s house

when i read that last line in the article, it really made me wonder what that boy has gone through to make him want to blow up his classmates

i’ve always wondered, what makes people want to go on a rampant killing spree? not just to hurt the people that hurt them, but also those that haven’t done anything to them

well, sure, they hurt you, but that doesn’t mean you should go and hurt them back. you’re just allowing yourself to become like them. people should overcome their hurts and become better than the ones that hurt them.

anyways, back to the boy. how does one ever decide to take someone’s life in such a violent way? how did his mind become like that?

every time a read an article about bombings and shootings and all that sort of violence, i’ve always wondered about the people who do it. i want to know their life story. i wished that there was someone there to help them with their problems so that they wouldn’t have been led so astray and make that decision that they did. i wished someone was there to look out for them.

but people are so unpredictable. the ones that look the happiest, may actually be the saddest ones.

i feel so out of that circle though. i have never experienced events such as these, or ever known anyone with extreme thoughts such as these. or maybe i have met someone who does, but i just never got close enough to them to tell me about it.  =/

The Dark Side of Man

i’m sad.

what’s with this?

it’s just shopping….for something as little as an item on sale, they pay it with death.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/29/business/29walmart.html?_r=1&bl&ex=1228107600&en=95e0984e8f92cc7c&ei=5087%0A

a mob? to buy some materialistic items.

where’s the patience? the calm?

where’s the hold on their sanity?

just letting of their greed run wild.

must such childish acts be shown among grown men and women?

wait, not even childish. i’m pretty sure a child would snap out of that state once they saw another in need of help. wouldn’t they?

black friday sucks.

why is everyone making it live up to it’s name?

http://www.macleans.ca/article.jsp?content=w1128145A

here’s the dark side of man, coming up out of us again and biting us back in the ass.

Split in Two

Conflict

Man vs. Self

Yes or No

Do or Don’t

Stay or Go

Wake or Sleep

Cry or Laugh

Smile or Frown

Hate or Love

Live or Die

Contradiction.

Ugh.

I’ve been feeling quite… “dead” this week

“dead” was the word that i came up with after thinking hard and long about a word to describe what i was feeling

or maybe it should be “zombie” instead?

i’m not quite sure.

all i know right now, is that i feel really really weird

feeling out of place? no, that’s not the right way to describe it…

i myself don’t even know what i’m feeling right now….

stress? yes? no?

i don’t know how long this feeling is going to last, and i have no idea how to cure it

but i’m just going to keep going on, and see what happens

what is God thinking right now? what is he trying to tell me? what does he have in mind for me?

this feeling is quite uncomfortable, please shed some light upon me soon God, before i collapse.

The human drug

It just suddenly occur to me a little while ago that, people are my high maybe even vice versa. I know that they’re my high because every time i’m with my friends, i seem to lose my self-control. i get bursts of happiness, if that sounds right… i just get a little crazy, not crazy crazy, but just being plain weird. but when i get home and i’m away from all my friends, i naturally just calm down unconsciously. i think properly. i think before do, and not after i do. i’m just, calm.

I sort of feel that i’m the same to them, sort of the same to them in a way too. they see me, i’m happy, so my mood doesnt get anyone down. but when they’re with other people, they’re calm. i’m always just a person that’s just there. the drug that just last for a moment, and then disappears.

Sprained Ankle

Man, maintaining a blog is hard work! I barely even blog. I must blog more!!!

What shall I talk about now….oh wait!

Yesterday…i sprained my ankle…..

First time ever! And…it sucks…..because I have to limp….

Not only THAT, but I also have a softball tournament coming up this Sunday….and now i can’t play T_T

DEPRESSION!

–CUT–

–CUT–

Just kidding. =P

Angry Driver >.<

well, today was…. -_-”

as my mummy was driving me home from school today, we came upon this angry driver dude

what happened was, this guy wanted to turn out of the gas station, but my mom just past right by

so the guy failed to turn out, and then got really angry for some reason…like we were supposed to let him turn out of the gas station, like we did something wrong….

in his car, you can see him swearing at us, giving the middle finger

and i was like….”okay then…..what’s his problem?”

i really don’t understand why some people get so angry sometimes, at the most stupidest things

i mean, seriously, calm down! it’s not that big of a deal. we didn’t kill your mom! -_-

….are you tired of being who you are? cuz sometimes i’m tired of being who i am……

i’m tired…not physically, but mentally….
do you ever feel like, you wanna give up being who you are? just for one day?
i’m too much a goody-two-shoes and yet, i’m not one….
i struggle all the time, fighting with myself and my selfishness.
i try not to indulge in my selfishness and i can handle it outside of home, i think…
but when i’m at home, i change….i feel like i let myself go too much
i don’t do chores, i have extreme problems with procrastination, i sleep too late, and the list goes on….
i’m tired of doing those things, i want myself to change for the better
but changing is so hard…just too tremendously hard….
the bad part of me is not the only thing i’m tired with though.
i’m also tired of my good side….
i don’t wanna be so honest anymore, don’t want to be so nice.
i don’t want people to make fun of me just because they can.
i don’t want to be unable to hurt someone else just because i hurt myself too when i do
i don’t like it when other people hit my head and attack me,
and i hit back just so they would stop, even though i don’t want to hit them back
i’m tired….
tired of being so impulsive whenever i’m around my friends
tired of losing mind, and my composure
tired of laughing at stupid jokes that aren’t even really that funny, just so the other person wouldn’t feel bad
tired of being so exhausted…..
but that’s how i am, and that’s who they are
i don’t tell people to change who they are, unless they have a part of them that is really bad
and so here i am, left all alone, feeling nothing,
feeling nothing but sadness at the end of the day, because i gave all my happiness away