The human drug

It just suddenly occur to me a little while ago that, people are my high maybe even vice versa. I know that they’re my high because every time i’m with my friends, i seem to lose my self-control. i get bursts of happiness, if that sounds right… i just get a little crazy, not crazy crazy, but just being plain weird.  but when i get home and i’m away from all my friends, i naturally just calm down unconsciously.  i think properly.  i think before  do, and not after i do.  i’m just, calm.

I sort of feel that i’m the same to them, sort of the same to them in a way too.  they see me, i’m happy,  so my mood doesnt get anyone down. but when they’re with other people, they’re calm.  i’m always just a person that’s just there.  the drug that just last for a moment, and then disappears.

Sprained Ankle

Man, maintaining a blog is hard work! I barely even blog. I must blog more!!!

What shall I talk about now….oh wait!

Yesterday…i sprained my ankle…..

First time ever! And…it sucks…..because I have to limp….

Not only THAT, but I also have a softball tournament coming up this Sunday….and now i can’t play T_T

DEPRESSION!

–CUT–

–CUT–

Just kidding. =P

Angry Driver >.<

well, today was…. -_-”

as my mummy was driving me home from school today, we came upon this angry driver dude

what happened was, this guy wanted to turn out of the gas station, but my mom just past right by

so the guy failed to turn out, and then got really angry for some reason…like we were supposed to let him turn out of the gas station, like we did something wrong….

in his car, you can see him swearing at us, giving the middle finger

and i was like….”okay then…..what’s his problem?”

i really don’t understand why some people get so angry sometimes, at the most stupidest things

i mean, seriously, calm down! it’s not that big of a deal. we didn’t kill your mom! -_-

….are you tired of being who you are? cuz sometimes i’m tired of being who i am……

i’m tired…not physically, but mentally….
do you ever feel like, you wanna give up being who you are? just for one day?
i’m too much a goody-two-shoes and yet, i’m not one….
i struggle all the time, fighting with myself and my selfishness.
i try not to indulge in my selfishness and i can handle it outside of home, i think…
but when i’m at home, i change….i feel like i let myself go too much
i don’t do chores, i have extreme problems with procrastination, i sleep too late, and the list goes on….
i’m tired of doing those things, i want myself to change for the better
but changing is so hard…just too tremendously hard….
the bad part of me is not the only thing i’m tired with though.
i’m also tired of my good side….
i don’t wanna be so honest anymore, don’t want to be so nice.
i don’t want people to make fun of me just because they can.
i don’t want to be unable to hurt someone else just because i hurt myself too when i do
i don’t like it when other people hit my head and attack me,
and i hit back just so they would stop, even though i don’t want to hit them back
i’m tired….
tired of being so impulsive whenever i’m around my friends
tired of losing mind, and my composure
tired of laughing at stupid jokes that aren’t even really that funny, just so the other person wouldn’t feel bad
tired of being so exhausted…..
but that’s how i am, and that’s who they are
i don’t tell people to change who they are, unless they have a part of them that is really bad
and so here i am, left all alone, feeling nothing,
feeling nothing but sadness at the end of the day, because i gave all my happiness away

The Sadness Inside

How do you express a sadness that cannot be expressed through words?

The full impact of the pain that cannot be seen on your face

The face that shows that you’re sad, but does not show just how sad you really are

The sadness that makes your heart feel heavy, and tears stream down your face

Randomness

well, i haven’t blogged for a while now so i just thought that i should write a little something.  hmm, what should i write?…..

well, i tryed out for the badminton a few weeks ago and i made the team =)

and i signed up for the ultimate frisbie team that i missed out on last year for the softball team that never happened >.<

still sad about that…. =[

oh wells….

Memories

Will my memory of you fade away from me,
Just like I have faded away from you?
Will I still remember you ten years from now?
Will I still remember all those wonderful memories of us together
When we used to laugh and play so innocently?
If we met up in the future,
How would we have changed?
Would we still be able to talk like we used to?
It’s been so long since I’ve last seen you.
And when I think about that, I’m sad.
Our friendship that once was,
Well, it’s still there.
And yet,
It’s not.

When I left, and when you left,
We parted like it was nothing.
We knew we would still see each other once in a while
But that was all.
Soon we would never see each other again.
Never talk on the phone together again.
Never msn each other.
And then,
There would be nothing.
Nothing at all….
Nothing.
Just the faded memories of me and you,
Tucked away in the back of our minds.
One day we might just be following our ever changing daily routine
And something would trigger that memory of me and you
What we once shared together.
We would reminisce of the past,
Think about if we saw each other now
How much would we have changed.
After that, life would just go on again,
And our memory of each other would be locked up again,
Put away for another day.

Maybe memories are meant for when we grow older,
When we all turn into old men and women.
For when we lie there in our beds,
Too tired to get up anymore.
When we retire and have nothing more to do
But to just sit there,
And remember.
Remember all our past accomplishments.
Remember the excitements of our youth.
Remember the sad and the happy.
The joy and the love.
Remember who we once were.
Remember what made us who we were.
Remember the people.
Remember the forgotten.
Remember the memories.

SHOCK

“greaatt” week i’ve had so far…verrrryyy eventful

and i mean it! in a bad way!

My school week just started yesterday, and well, stuff happened.

Yesterday, Monday, 4th period, we had free time for like, the last 20-30 minutes. It was quite peaceful, little conversations going on around in the class. And then, “BOOM!” all of a sudden you see a guy pounce on another guy. This happened right behind me too! A guy choking another guy… It was a SHOCK. In fact, it shocked everyone there. The teacher got that guy off the one on the ground. And that was the end of that. And the end of that school day.

Which brings us to today, the next day. It was a different school day, once again 4th period came, a different class then yesterday’s. We also had free time in this class too, to do our homework. It was a class that gave off the same vibe as yesterday’s. It was the same peaceful feeling, with quiet happy conversations going on all around. With oblivious students that expected the day to end like any other usual class. “BOOM!” There goes another fight! A fight that came out of the blue, just like yesterday’s, except it lasted a little longer. Then a teacher came and stopped it. And once again, we were left with that same feeling of shock.

This makes me feel sad, because it is quite unfortunate that these two fights happened. I wouldn’t even call the first fight a fight. It was basically only one person trying to provoke another, but instead turned out provoking himself. And well, the second one, was just a misunderstanding. Aww, but I just don’t understand how people just snap like that. What makes a person snap? Have I ever snapped like that before? I don’t think so, at least, i don’t ever remember me snapping like that. But guys snapping are different than girls snapping….? Aw~ I keep thinking, maybe I could’ve helped prevent the fights, but nah, not me, because I barely even talk to those dudes. Nothing I could’ve done. poo-iee~

>;(

What the crap….this is so fricking stupid….here they go again, yelling about the same stupid things. The same stupid simple matters. Blah blah blah. They never change. One blames the other, the other blames that one. On and on they go, in a circle. It just gets worse and worse. I don’t help either because I am one of the causes of their anger sometimes, just not today. But it’s ridiculous what they keep yelling about. One little dispute can cause a huge humongous argument. They’re both so stubborn, this whole family’s messed. I think the only way to fixed this problem is counseling, or at least to tell someone who can do something about this. Oh look, they’ve stopped. For once, it ended pretty quickly…but i know for sure that it’ll happen again a few days later on. And I also know that just because they’ve stopped yelling doesn’t mean that they’ve calmed down. So what should I do now?

OH look, now the argument’s moved on to me. There he goes now, yelling at me. Venting out the rest of his anger on me! This always happens. But I know it is my fault, but it’s stupid that he continues and moves onto yelling at me. La dee la dee la! I don’t care. I do but, whatever. I DO NOT CARE! for the mean time that is. I say it just for the sake of saying it. argh…just go away will you? GO AWAY. I don’t want to listen to you vent your anger problems on me.

OH GREAT. Of course I get everything I want…NOT! Why don’t you just leave me be. Let me destroy myself. Go on, leave. I know, i know the hardships of life, yes I know I’m a big girl now. But I just dumb OK? I dumb, I’m a bad child, I’m a terrible child. I don’t listen to you, i know. And I’m just so rebellious. I’m in the process of fixing it, not really, but, just goI away. And he goes away.

Now SHE comes and starts venting her anger. And stops when he comes back to vent more anger. Wow. Great. Amazing. I don’t care about no A/C. I CAN handle my own time. Stop caring about me then. I swear, we can’t have a normal dinner together anyways, a fight will start between you two. Yeah, i have tried that before, and I’ve given up on it. On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. THAT’S THEM, NOT US, SO STOP COMPARING. Yeah, I don’t care if I grow up and have to go job to job, at least I won’t be like this. At least I’ll be happy at home, not like at this home. Yes, I do do that, i do brush my teeth and wash my face properly. I tell you, that family is different, you only compare the families better than ours, what about the ones that are not better than ours? At least I’m not a delinquent.

*sigh

the words i can’t say out loud….

I’m just going to leave now….I bet you’ve been talking for like, more than 30 minutes now. You have been *ma-yun-gun-gnoh* you’re doing that right now. Finally, you leave, and I’m going to go now too!

Oh, there she goes again. How about you fixed you’re problems before threatening me about mine? eh???

argghhhhh

OK. I’m actually going to leave now.

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